Forgiveness is a CHOICE that we make, NOT a feeling that we come up with. That's the first and biggest mistake we make: We all want to FEEL like forgiving someone. Ain't never gonna happen. And that's the truth.
Let's start by looking at forgiveness from a banking perspective. Scenario: You lend Sue $10,000,000. Sue proceeds to lose it all in the stock market. Sue comes back to you with the sad tale.
You COULD sieze all Sue's assets, or you could "forgive the debt." If you FORGIVE the debt, that means that Sue no longer owes you the money. Any of it! She is free of the obligation (except morally,which is outside the scope of what we're talking about.)
So forgiveness is CANCELLING A DEBT THAT SOMEONE ELSE OWES US. This is a volitional choice, NOT an emotion. It is the DECISION to not hold that obligation over them any more.
Forgiveness does NOT mean that the person was right in what he did to us.
Forgiveness does NOT mean that we have to feel good about what happened to us.
Forgiveness does NOT mean that we will not still be hurt or angry about what happened to us.
Forgiveness does NOT mean that we have to let the person hurt us again or continue to hurt us.
Forgiveness means that we will not hold this incident over the person any longer.
So, forgiveness is a CHOICE. When we begin to grapple with this, God gets into the boat with us and helps us to come to that decision and to lay the obligation down. And He will do this for you.
It's like this: You have a dungeon in your heart where you've locked this person who has injured you, down with the rats. Every once in a while, you take him out and beat him up for it. Then you throw him back in the dungeon and lock the door again.
But here's the problem: If you don't GUARD THE DOOR, he will escape! So YOU have to stay in the dungeon, too! Imagine that: Living your whole life in a dungeon with the persons you hate the most just so that you can beat them up again for what they did and never escape!
Realize that this is happening in your heart, not in the real world. In the real world, this person is going on about life completely unaware of what you are doing in your heart. So what you're doing in there has NO EFFECT AT ALL ON HIM.
The solution - is to leave the dungeon! Let the person escape from your heart - and be gone. Forgive them. Make a conscious decision in obedience to the Lord to cancel their debt. "In Jesus Name, I forgive this person. I cancel their debt. They owe me nothing from this point forward."
Then, when Satan tries to remind you of the wrong against you that was committed, YOU remind HIM that the debt is PAID in Jesus' Name.
And you will be free.
